April's fool

Despertar sintiendose como cemento fresco donde alguien ha dejado una huella marcada, asi a veces te dejan los sueños... Baricco lo sabe

"... aquellas dos imagenes [manos] le habian entrado por los ojos [la piel] con la instantanea percepcion de la felicidad absoluta y sin condiciones. Se las llevaria consigo para siempre. Porque es asi como te fastidia la vida. Te pilla cuando todavia tienes el alma adormecida y siembra en su interior una imagen, o un olor, o un sonido [o un tacto] que despues ya nunca puedes sacarte de encima. Y aquella era la felicidad. Lo descubres despues, cuando ya es demasiado tarde. Y ya eres, para siempre, un exiliado: a miles de kilometros de aquella imagen, de aquel sonido, de aquel olor [aquellas manos]. A la deriva"

A. Baricco. Tierras de Cristal

talan talan talan

... se reinicia la temporada de naufragios (o el lado b de la primavera)

Emprimaverada

Los mejores pasajeros días del año, además de por inasibles y breves por...

1) Magnolios, magnolios,magnolios, y mas magnolios, desnudos de todo explotados de flores en ramas grises y desnudas. Has visto una flor de magnolio cerrarse por la noche y volver a abrir de madrugada?

2) La anticipación de piscinas, las plazas, fiestas de fin de semana, citas furtivas, idas a la feria a comprar tomates, sandías, pimentones, naranjas y todas esas cosas de colores.

3) Las bicicletas no son para el verano, son para la primavera, la brisa es precisamente fría, el sol perfectamente tibio; los descubrimientos se asoman en las esquinas, pareciera como si se pudiera pedalear hasta la meta de felicidad propuesta.

4) Caminar. A paso lento. Sino le haces a las ruedas. Los audífonos como tus únicos consejeros. Una canción. Sacar las manos de los bolsillos y caminar, tanto mejor, oscilando los brazos.

5) Esa sensación que a nadie le importa, que no les importa nada en el mundo, más que la primavera, más que asir ese día inasible.

6) La sensacion de que la vida de primavera se vive a ventanas abiertas... que la vida se puede vivir a ventanas abiertas

fieldwork

el tigre, el venado, el chile, bocas del vilan, flor de pino (1 y 2), vigia sur, el ventarron, guapinol (1), santa maria del pantasma... nombres vacios, quizas exoticos, apenas con ciertas resonancias familiares o que generan imaginarios o asociaciones mentales a cosas y lugares ya conocidos.

marta lucia, digna, maria isolina, belkis, damaris, yohana, nombres en un listado, numeros asociados, hijos, indices de pobreza, de empoderamiento, vidas resumidas en una tabla excel.

hasta que llegas, conversas, escuchas, y regresas, como alicia en el pais de lo ya visto, las maravillas, esas no se donde quedaron.

como se reconstruye el alma?

...de la profesora de musica de Constitucion?

ps...the aftermath

Amanda, my other great-grandmother, an obstetrician, was kissed for the first time by her third husband (story for another post), doctor Alejo Aranguiz in the ship taking them north as part of the medical emergency teams for the November 10th, 1922 earthquake. He gave her a white rose.

Grandma used to say it was a passionate, romantic and clandestine affair that remain undercover until the first wife of the doctor, madame Isaura Martinez finally died....We know for a fact that they got married in the aftermath

terremoto- la vida es eterna en cinco minutos...

A soft rocking sensation, that’s how it begins. Then, as with a storm, the roar comes after the light, a deep roar from below. And you know it’s a quake. It shakes, shakes, shakes, shakes you and all around you…up, down, sideways, undulate, jump, tremble, move even more, a little shiver… and it stops. Silence, a heavy deafening silence follows until you realize what happened.

My great-grandparents arrived in Chile on August 16 1906; their ship touched the Valparaiso shore right on time for them to see the spectacle of houses falling down the hills ('tremblement de terre', 'erdbeben' where their thoughts for sure, if not just 'merde' and 'Scheiße'). My grandparents witnessed the strongest earthquake ever recorded, May 22nd Valdivia 1960 (and added 'terremoto'and 'mierda' to the list of expressions). My mom accounts for first hand experience of four in her sixty years of life and maybe one more to go. I was in Santiago for March 3d 1985 and in the north for the July 1995 one. There have been other 22 severe earthquakes in the country in between the Boudet-Rommel made it to Chile and this last one, a century after.

A seismic background should be accounted for as one of Freud’s developmental phases. You never totally left your cot. Even more, you may enjoy the movement. I can remember waking up in the middle of the night with that mix of fear and excitement, staying in bed, all alerts on thinking “a little bit more, hmmm, stronger, c’mon… a little longer” wanting but not wanting for it to go on. Those are the small ones, the earth beneath you stretching or changing position. But beware of what you wish for.

Then comes the big one... When all you want is for it to stop, to stop, please, to stop. And it goes on for a few minutes that feel like eternity. Victor Jara wrote ‘life is eternal in five minutes’ and Amanda held to Manuel as if it was forever. We do the same. You hold whoever is next to you, or the shadow of whoever is not longer there. Call out to your phantoms, gods, nature or your sofa or table to remain strong.

Maybe fate gives us a big shake from time to time to recover a lost equilibrium on what is really worth or important and what is not. You will remember forever that earthquakes appear in your personal history every few chapters. That nothing, not even the soil where you plant your roots in should be taken for granted. That magical realism exists and furniture knows how to walk, the fridge strives for independence, paintings fly away at the first opportunity, flower vases get bored of the water and the flowers and send them out at the first chance; and that afterwards strange people shadows throw pajama parties in the park in the middle of the night; that you have no choice but to eat ice-cream for a day.

But also that destruction, sorrow, lost and suffering are to come and after the silence so does life, normal, everyday life… until the next one.